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OUR STORY
Monsignor Joseph Farrell had an idea of how to help “street
alcoholics” back in the 60’s. He would open a
drop in Center to provide them with food, a place to get them
off the streets during the day and the fellowship of those
who cared. And so on October 15th 1968 he opened the first
Friendship Center with these powerful words:
“Today I’m opening a storefront Friendship Center.
You folks know the location well – it’s between
two package stores. We’re going to show the needy that
nobody is a nobody in the eyes of God.
I hope this work will grow and grow and be of as much help
to as many people as possible.”
From that humble start, the Friendship Center has grown to
encompass a Continuum of Care philosophy of offering services
for those who are poor, hungry and homeless. The growth process
is a story in itself, each added service an act of faith always
keeping in mind the original dream born fruit in the heart
and mind of our founder.
1982: Times had changed since
1968. There was more hunger; people were actually homeless
in our country. Affordable housing developed after WWII was
becoming inaccessible. The great American dream of every family
owning their own home was leaving many working poor behind
and as housing became less affordable this population was
beginning to experience episodes of homelessness. Families
were forced to choose between paying the rent or putting food
on the table, paying the utility bills or paying the rent.
During the early 80’s two separate movements took place
in New Britain. The first, spearheaded by Father Malcolm McDowell
and St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, worked with other volunteers,
churches and clergy to create a soup kitchen in the city.
Called The Community Free Supper Program, the program offered
a free meal at 5:00 pm, six days a week, each day in a different
downtown church. Participating churches included: St. Mark’s
Episcopal; South Congregational/First Baptist; Bethany Covenant;
First Lutheran; St. Mary Roman Catholic Church and Trinity
United Methodist. In time, other religious communities joined
in to prepare and serve the meals being served in the downtown
churches. Following is a listing of the churches/synagogues
that joined the initial group of six and still to this day
participate in the Center’s work. In New Britain:
Congregation Tephereth Israel · Saint James Baptist
Church
First Church of Christ, Congregational · Saint Jerome
Church
First Lutheran Church of the Reformation · Saint
John Evangelical Lutheran Church
Holy Cross Church · Saint Maurice Church
Sacred Hearth Church · Spottswood AME Zion Church
Saint Ann Church · Stanley Memorial Church
Saint Francis of Assisi Church
And neighboring towns:
Berlin Congregational Church
Kensington Baptist Church
Kensington Congregational Church
Prince of Peace Lutheran Church, Kensington
Sacred Heart Church, East Berlin
Saint Paul Church, Kensington
United Methodist Church, East Berlin
United Methodist Church, Kensington
First Church of Christ Congregational, Farmington
Grace United Church, Farmington
Church of Christ Congregational, Newington
Church of the Holy Spirit, Newington
Congregation B’Nai Sholom, Newington
Grace Episcopal Church, Newington
United Methodist Church, Newington
St. Mary R.C. Church, Newington
Congregational Church of Plainville
Our Lady of Mercy Church, Plainville
These 37 places of worship have formed the volunteer core
of the Friendship Center for these 20 years. In addition they
formed the financial core of the Emergency Needs Ministry
Program yet to come.
The second movement of the early 80’s, this time spearheaded
by The Reverend Hugh Penney from South Congregational/First
Baptist Church, was to work with other churches to create
an emergency shelter in the city. A building was purchased
at 516 Main Street with the Arch Diocese of Hartford joining
in the effort to provide a $65,000 mortgage at a 2% interest
rate. There, rooms on the second floor were renovated with
space for 16 men and 6 women. In addition there were two staff
rooms. New Britain had a shelter! On the first floor of the
building on 516 Main Street, St. Vincent DePaul Thift Shop
continued its operations under the oversight of St. Mary Church.
It soon became apparent that a permanent home needed to be
found for the Community Free Supper Program. It was difficult
for the Program’s guests to move from church to church
each evening. In addition, feeding up to 250 people in the
basements of the churches was becoming cumbersome. The volunteers
either had to work in a church kitchen with which they were
not familiar or prepare the meal in their own kitchen and
transport it to the designated church to serve. The Volunteer
Committee overseeing the Program began their search.
Finally it was decided to renovate the first floor of the
Friendship Center building at 516 Main Street. This, of course,
meant that St. Vincent DePaul had to find another home. They
moved up around the corner onto Broad Street for several years
and eventually to the other end of Main Street where they
stayed until they ceased to exist in the late 80’s.
Meanwhile money was needed to renovate the first floor of
516 Main Street into a kitchen and dining room that could
accommodate the feeding program. The Alex W. Stanley Foundation
and the Robert C. Vance Foundation graciously provided these
funds, $50,000. During the renovation, the stairway was taken
out between the Friendship Center shelter on the 2nd floor
and the feeding program on the 1st. However, as time went
on, it became apparent that a marriage should occur between
the two. The Friendship Center was having difficulty with
its Executive Director and the Community Free Supper Program
needed to incorporate as a non-profit organization. So in
late 1983 the Board of the Friendship Center voted to incorporate
The Community Free Supper Program as an additional service
of the Center. The volunteers who had worked so hard overseeing
the feeding program continued on, at least for the time being,
as an ad hoc committee. Eventually, some of these members
were invited onto the Board of Directors of the Friendship
Center. Now wedded, the Community Free Supper Program became
known as the Community Kitchen, a program of the Friendship
Center. However, for the nine years the two programs operated
out of 516 Main Street, the need to go outside to reach stairs
to the 2nd floor continued due to an irreversible decision
to close off the inner stairway made before the merger!
1986: As the plight of homelessness continued to haunt American
society, New Britain’s churches were increasingly inundated
with requests from those not members of their congregations
for assistance with rents, utilities, gasoline, medical bills,
food and other miscellaneous items. NEWBRACC, the New Britain
Area Conference of Churches, took the lead in bringing together
clergy and representatives from the United Way to try and
offer help, both to those in need and the churches. The result
was the creation of the Emergency Needs Ministry, a program
that would combine resources from the religious community
into a pool of funds that could be used for assistance. Those
in need would be referred to a Coordinator that would be hired
to develop and oversee the program. The Coordinator would
meet with clients, determine whether there was a legitimate
need, access community resources that might be available and,
when necessary, provide funds to alleviate the situation.
Once the concept was in place, there needed to be a location
for it. The Friendship Center Board of Directors was approached
with the idea of housing and offering administrative oversight.
Although somewhat reluctant due to budget problems funding
the shelter and Community Kitchen, the Board took a leap of
faith and said yes. A coordinator was hired and so began the
development of this program that has become a hub of the social
service network in our city.
1986 also saw the creation of the New Britain Family Shelter,
Inc. This was the brainchild of Mr. William E. Attwood, a
retired local bank president and an active member of St. Mark’s
Church. He saw a need for a New Britain shelter for families;
the Friendship Center only offered shelter for adult men and
women. The Friendship Center was not ready to take on additional
programs. Keeping its head above water and meeting the budgetary
needs for the three programs it had was more than enough.
So, Bill Attwood arranged with the New Britain Housing Authority
to provide an apartment to be used for homeless families.
He formed a Board of Directors, arranged for the new Coordinator
of the Emergency Needs Ministry Program and the New Britain
Human Rights officer to act as unpaid staff persons, found
donated furniture for the apartment, convinced a local pastor
with a pickup truck to pick up the furniture, went himself
to help with the move and opened the first family shelter
in New Britain. Over the next year or so 7 homeless families
found needed shelter in this apartment.
This piece of history is important to the Friendship Center
story because when the Housing Authority decided the apartment
could no longer be used for the purpose of an emergency family
shelter, Bill Attwood again approached the Center to see if
it would take on this challenge. This time the Board of Directors
agreed and started making plans.
The local architectural firm, Kaestle Boos, was approached
to draw up plans to renovate the 3rd floor of 516 Main Street.
When told the cost would be $250,000, the Board of Directors
was shocked! Where would the Center, hardly able to keep its
program going, be able to raise that much money? Hugh Penney,
on the Board at the time and always a future thinker, raised
the ante when he brought to the floor the idea that by the
time the 3rd floor project at 516 Main Street was completed
the space would be too small for our needs. His proposal:
to find another site for all the Center’s programs.
The rest of the Board concurred and so began the search for
the appropriate building, a search that would end up taking
3 years, 1987 – 1989. Norma Harss, also on the Board
and a local realtor, was key in this search. Many sites were
looked at and rejected because of location, size, NIMBY (Not
In My Back Yard) or condition. Finally, in 1989 an appropriate
location was found at 241-249 Arch Street and the building
was purchased from Alfred Prestia for $180,000. This three
story building would not only house homeless families but
it would have a Transitional Living Program on its 3rd floor
– a program with 15 individual rooms for adult men and
women who had moved beyond their initial stumbling blocks
to independent living but needed more time in a safe environment
to solidify these gains.
Later the adjacent lot was purchased from a New Haven developer,
Larry Eisner, for $210,000. Plans were drawn and the total
price of purchase and renovation was $3,100,000 – a
very long way from the initial $250,000 to renovate the 3rd
floor of 516 Main Street!
How did we do it? It was an incredible act of faith. In 1990
the Friendship Center embarked on a capital campaign. Consultants
were hired and Donald W. Davis, CEO of the Stanley Works,
agreed to chair the campaign committee. At the same time,
the New Britain Family Emergency Shelter, Inc. ceased to exist
and three members of its Board of Directors, Bill Attwood,
Donald Davidson and Robert Grace, joined the Friendship Center
Board, increasing board membership from 15 to 18. While Mr.
Davis chaired the campaign, it was Bill Attwood who took the
lead. He was at the Center almost daily pouring over figures
and assisting the staff in the successful completion of the
campaign. Eventually, $1,300,000 was pledged and in the hard
economic times of the early 90’s less than $10,000 was
uncollected, a real tribute to the greater New Britain community
and its concern for the Friendship Center! Although many hundreds
contributed to the campaign, special gifts were received from:
Tomasso’s ($250,000; the Center’s dining and social
room is named The Tomasso Family Community Dining Room); The
Stanley Works ($50,000; The Stanley Works Kitchen); Donald
and Virginia Davis ($25,000, the Davis Lounge); the Town of
Berlin ($25,000).
July 2, 1992: Finally! All the hard work had paid off and
the Friendship Center moved into its new home at 241-249 Arch
Street. What a day it was! The 22 residents who had been living
at 516 Main Street slept there the night of July 1st. On July
2nd, they packed up their belongings and, together with staff,
began the walk down Main Street to Arch Street. New furniture,
new beds, new kitchen, new laundry room, new residential floor
all awaited them. This author, who had worked in the building
for 9 years, stayed behind to say good-bye to 516 Main Street.
Many miracles had taken place there – many lives had
been healed. Even though the Center was to own the building
until 1996 when it finally managed to sell it, a time in the
history of the Friendship Center had come to an end.
Ahead was the future – families would be served, transitional
living would be provided. The Friendship Center was moving
from a very small organization to a much larger one –
an organization that would have staff and resources to offer
help to many more people and to make a real difference in
the lives of many more.
The day was not without turmoil for the staff. Two elderly
residents, Clarence and Miss Esther, were insisting they couldn’t
leave 516 Main. This was home to them. Clarence we were able
to get into a car and he came with great hesitation to the
new building. Once inside he was afraid to go outdoors –
the new surroundings were unfamiliar and very frightening.
Miss Esther refused a ride and as staff left the building
she informed them she didn’t think she would be able
to make the move. With that she walked off, staff unable to
stop her. This was her usual morning ritual, up and out of
the building at 8:00 am not to return until 5:00 pm. You see,
at 516 Main Street, the shelter was open only from 4:00 pm
– 8:00 am 7 days a week. The new building would change
all that. Now residents would be able to stay indoors 24 hours
a day, 7 days a week, a welcome change.
Back to Miss Esther. Off she went at 8:00 am with staff not
knowing when, or if, they would see her again. As 4:30 that
afternoon crept toward 5:00, staff started to get really worried.
They were planning to go out in cars and cover the city looking
for her. However, as they were standing outside at about 5:50
pm they looked down Arch Street and there was Miss Esther
walking proudly up the street. They waited for her and when
she arrived the Executive Director escorted her in. “Why
this is lovely!” she said. Miss Esther was home and
the Center’s move was complete.
The 90’s: The first order of business
was to get settled in the new building. 516 Main Street was
small and cramped. Staff could always monitor the residents
because they could see them. The new building was very different.
There were three large floors for the residents use. Staff
could not always monitor every movement of the residents because
now there was more privacy – an empowering thing for
the residents but scary for the staff.
In the beginning we made some rather stupid decisions. After
9:00 pm all residents were required to be on the residential
floors. But, because this is a smoke free building, some residents
wanted to have a cigarette, or just some fresh air, into the
evening. So our solution was, until 11:00 pm, every half hour
a staff member would take those who wanted to downstairs for
a smoke or whatever. The residents would line up and “march
together” down the stairs to the first floor.
The residents took our anal behavior with good humor. Here
they were adults being treated like they were in elementary
school – but they bore with us and followed the rules.
Some laughed and suggested they all hold hands – or
establish the “buddy” system, each one with a
partner so they would not get lost.
Eventually the staff came to its senses and caught up with
the residents. They realized they were either going to drive
themselves crazy or were going to have to trust the residents
to behave as the adults they are. Does it always work? Are
there sometimes problems? Yes, of course. Some moms insist
on going downstairs after their kids are asleep, even though
moms are always supposed to be with their children. Sometimes
folks take off and return into the early morning hours. How
do we handle it? We have rules but we try our best to be flexible
within the confines of safety. We handle each situation as
it arises trying to blend flexibility, resident responsibility,
compassion and the need for rules into a solution that works.
This is an art, not a science, and training staff in our
ways is not an easy task. However, those we serve have a history
of failure. Constantly saying no, or kicking someone out when
we may be able to help if they stay, is not the recipe for
the miracles we try to create.
Assertive Substance Abuse Outreach Program: In 1993, the
Friendship Center joined with Community Mental Health Affiliates
to create this program that would operate out of the Friendship
Center soup kitchen. Here case management staff, both from
the Center and CMHA, would greet guests as they came to eat.
Together with the Friendship Center nurse, they would gain
the trust of those still living on the streets and try to
“talk them in” so that medical, mental health
and substance abuse issues could be addressed. The first year
the two agencies received a $15,000 grant from the Regional
Substance Abuse Action Council. After one year, there were
no more funds available. The Center and CMHA tried to obtain
both state and federal funding to continue and expand the
program. However, both attempts failed. The Friendship Center
continues the program in a small way with an ongoing $4000
grant from the New Britain Foundation for Public Giving and
once a week clinical staff support during the soup kitchen
hour from CMHA. This is a small program but for those it serves
it continues to work. The Friendship Center acts as Representative
Payee to some in the community who, because of substance abuse
issues, cannot manage their own funds and would be homeless
without the Center paying the bills. In New Britain, the Friendship
Center is the lead agency dealing with all issues of homelessness
and it continues to be seen as a “safe place”
for those who cannot yet conquer long histories of substance
abuse and/or mental illness. Staff has learned to love this
population and, through the sadness of watching them abuse
their bodies, admire the strength, humor, polite ways, willingness
to share the little they have, and gentle grace of many: Tom,
Jim, Troy, Lester, Bianca, Renalda, Ernesto, Julianna, Monsignor
Farrell’s “street people” some younger,
women and men, but basically the population our founder had
in mind when he created the Center those 25 years ago.
Love Made Visible Products: In 1994, Friendship Center senior
staff and the Board of Directors held a retreat to determine
what direction the Center should take in the years ahead.
Led by a facilitator, the board listed literally tens upon
tens of ideas. At the end of the day, these ideas were passed
on to the Forward Planning Committee to cull them down and
come up with a proposal to present to the full Board. After
many meetings and much deliberation, the Committee presented
to the Board the idea of starting a business that would exist
to provide employment for those who were ready to work but
would not be able to handle a job in the private sector. Love
Made Visible Products was born. What started as a small idea
to be a gift basket business with some of the items in the
baskets made by Center’s residents eventually became
a gift basket/specialty candy business that has gained name
recognition throughout the State of Connecticut. Over the
seven years of its existence, it has provided jobs for 11
people, taking some off welfare, providing income to a few
who had no income and taking others off the unemployment rolls.
In every way it has been a success except one. While it was
never the intent of the Friendship Center to make money from
the business, it was important to eventually reach a break-even
point. After five years, this was still not happening and
the Center was faced with a decision: keep losing the $25,000
- $30,000 each year knowing that good things were happening;
drop Love Made Visible Products and put the five current employees
out of work; or expand to see if having additional businesses
would be a way to get to the break-even point.
The Board of Trustees: In the meantime other events were
keeping the Friendship Center Board and staff busy. After
the successful completion of the Capital Campaign in 1992,
the Center found itself with enough money to start a small
Endowment. Initial funds invested with Connecticut National
Bank amounted to approximately $275,000. The Board of Director’s
Finance Committee oversaw the Endowment.
At the end of 1993 a very generous woman, Alice R. Campbell,
left a bequest to the Center of over $128,000. Ms. Campbell
had been the principal of a local elementary school. Not having
any heirs, she asked her attorney, Brian Gaffney, what good
she might do with her money. Attorney Gaffney’s son
had done volunteer work at the Center and was impressed with
its work. Because of this connection, Attorney Gaffney suggested
the Friendship Center receive some of Ms. Campbell’s
money. (We never know the connections out there that bring
us good things. There was a time when suddenly we started
receiving an abundance of foods from a local store. It was
years later we found out that the Center had helped a member
of the store owner’s family.)
With this added influx into the Endowment, the Center’s
Executive Director and Board decided it should tap a Board
of Trustees whose sole purpose would be to oversee the Endowment
and find ways to make it grow. The Finance Committee of the
Board of Directors had enough to do overseeing the Center’s
increasing operating budget.
At the 1997 Annual Meeting the By Laws of the organization
were changed to incorporate a Board of Trustees. Former presidents
and members of the Board of Directors were tapped to serve
on this Board.
A Very Generous Gift and the Virginia C. Davis Friendship
Service Center: In 1997, the Executive Director received a
phone call from Donald W. Davis, former CEO of The Stanley
Works. Mr. Davis, as previously mentioned, had chaired the
Center’s successful Capital Campaign. Now, he and his
wife Virginia were selling their New Britain home and retiring
to Martha’s Vineyard and Florida. They wanted to make
one last gift to the City and they chose the Friendship Center.
In this phone call, Mr. Davis first assured himself the Center
had an Endowment Fund the money could be put into. He then
said he wanted to donate this money in honor of all the community
work his wife had done over the years. He asked if it might
be possible to name the Center’s building on 241-249
Arch Street the Virginia C. Davis Friendship Service Center.
And then Mr. Davis spoke these words: “The amount of
money I’d like to give to the Friendship Center is $500,000!”
What a tremendous gift, what a boost to the Endowment Fund
and the Friendship Center’s future security. The building
at 241-241 Arch Street now proudly bears the name: The Virginia
C. Davis Friendship Service Center.
The Vega Building Jobs Program and Into
the New Century: The dilemma still had to be faced. What to
do with Love made Visible Products. There was a building down
the street, 57-61 Arch Street that was for sale. It was the
home of a 10-year old business, The Vintage Shop. Would it
be possible for the Friendship Center to buy the building,
take over The Vintage Shop, move Love Made Visible Products
into the building and re-open the coffee shop previously there?
Would this expansion both provide more jobs and be a way to
help the one business, Love Made Visible Products, break even
by incorporating it into three businesses? Two Board of Directors
held two workshops in May 2000. Administrative staff had put
together a business plan and a five-year budget forecast for
the project.
This was a huge decision and every possible angle was explored.
There was certainly risk – but the potential was great.
The Vega Building, owned for the last ten years by Lorraine
and William Wixon, is an architectural treasure. An added
incentive was the four apartments on the 2nd floor of the
building, apartments the Friendship Center could use for permanent,
supportive housing options for its clients. It seemed right,
the Board of Directors grew excited and on August 1, 2000
the Friendship Service Center of New Britain, Inc. expanded
its operation and took ownership of The Vega Building.
The Vega Building: The Vega Society, a Swedish society in
the city that existed to assist fellow Swedes as they immigrated
to the New World, built the building in 1898. When descendents
of the original society learned of the Center’s purchase,
they were very excited. They contributed $2000 toward the
Friendship Center’s endeavor, so thrilled were they
that the building would continue to be used to help those
in need.
The Jobs Program: With this purchase, the Center now was
able to expand its Jobs Program. With three businesses, more
people could be hired. Vintage Antiques, with nine dealers
on August 1st, 2000, had 22 dealers by Christmas. Vintage
Coffee reopened in October and by the first of the year was
offering homemade soup, sandwiches and salads as the daily
lunch fare. Four more staff were hired with the potential
for more. Two male residents of the Center who never dreamed
they would one day have their own apartment moved into apartments
on the 2nd floor. Another was rented to a mom and her daughter.
Finally having a home meant she could be reunited with her
son. The fourth apartment was rented to a grandmother caring
for her three pre-school grandchildren. Residents in the apartments
are still very much a part of the Center’s family and
each has a Case Manager that continues to assist when needed.
Now the Jobs Program employed 8 people, four full-time and
four part-time. These staff are regular Friendship Center
staff with all the benefits, and responsibilities, of regular
employees.
PATH: In 2002, The Friendship Center was chosen by The State
Department of Mental Health and Addiction Services (DMHAS)
as a PATH (Project for Assistance in Transition from Homelessness)
site. This program would reach out to those living in the
streets, in doorways, under bridges etc. Our nurse of more
than 15 years was retiring and a replacement was sought who
would take on a dual role, dividing her time between residents
“inside” and locating and connecting with new
clients “outside”. Following is a story told in
her own words that describes the life of one homeless man
living on the “outside”.
Do you remember seeing a large, 6’3” man on the
streets of New Britain, pushing a grocery cart filled with
overstuffed plastic bags, a cooler at one end and a huge umbrella
sticking out of the far end? He had an unkempt gray beard
and usually wore a hat of some kind. He wore size 15E shoes
but preferred boots, which I could only find for him at a
special shoe store. He wore size 5XL shirts or jackets and
4XL gloves. Clothing him was a challenge, especially since
he wouldn’t wear anything black! It had to be blue,
for his own reasons, and in fact blue did accent his blue
eyes.
“Big John” had a routine to his day, which changed
seasonally. In the heat of the summer you would find him sitting
under the overhang of the old Greenfield Grocery Store. I
often visited him there, bringing him a coffee from Dunkin’
Donuts with 5 sugars. In hot times, he sat on a faded green
pillow from some long-ago discarded living room chair, and
kept a plastic bag wrapped around his left leg to keep the
flies away from the draining ulcers. He would never let me
look at his leg. In the winters he sat in a bus stop area
by the bank where the sun, when it was out, would warm up
the place.
He was a gentle soul. Most everyone knew him. People were,
generally, kind to him. They gave him food, clothes, coffee.
Some storeowners would allow him to come in and eat, while
others made it clear he was not wanted. I tried to get him
to come to the Friendship Center’s soup kitchen for
lunch, but it was too far to walk on the bad leg. I knew his
daily rounds and would catch up with him merely by asking
certain shopkeepers if they had seen him. Later in the day
I used to see him headed towards a parking garage. In wintertime,
I recall seeing him in his dark blue parka, pushing his belongings
in the grocery cart, silhouetted against the gray sky. He
would settle down, apparently in a stairwell, for the night.
I never intruded on him in his “bedroom” but,
as I lay snuggled in my warm bed, I would think of him and
wonder if he were warm enough.
He had no source of income. I struggled to figure out a way
to get SSI for him and did bring out an access worker to speak
with him about it. But by law he would have had to see a doctor
for a physical and evaluation. There was no way he was going
to do this. On occasion I tried to get him to go to the ER
to have his leg looked at, but he always refused. But one
day last winter, a resident at the Friendship Center talked
with him and somehow convinced him to go the ER. His leg was
much worse and I think he realized he was in danger of losing
it. He could barely walk then, but the good news is that his
leg was saved and his health is much improved. Someone at
the hospital figured out that I must know him, and they called
me. As things turned out, he accepted a shave, new clothes,
and medical care. He now has a warm bed, the nursing care
he needs, and a safe place to put his belongings at the nursing
home.
Now, when I drive or walk around New Britain, I still look
to those places where I used to see him. Now they are just
empty places. I miss him.
Bicycling Enthusiasms Initiative (BEI): In 2003, the Friendship
Center took another step toward homeless prevention in taking
BEI under its umbrella. A program started through the New
Britain Weed and Seed Program (a Department of Justice grant
for inner cities “weeding” out the bad influences
of crime and drugs and “seeding” the neighborhood
with empowered youth), BEI reached out to at-risk youth through
the venue of BMX bikes. The kids learn bike repair and at
the same time are mentored by the staff who help with homework,
advocate for the youth when there are problems at school and
coach the youngsters as they participate in the BMX racing
team and club. In addition, BEI joins the Friendship Center’s
Jobs Program through opening a bike shop where the kids learn
retail etiquette and skills.
The enthusiasm surrounding our new program is as contagious
as the kids in the program. They have big smiles, welcoming
attitudes and respond to the staff with warmth. However, it
is important that we not be fooled into thinking that their
smiles are signs of a happy, easy life. Most come from broken
homes, move often, help support their families with what they
earn, have problems in school and face a life struggling with
poverty and all of its ramifications. It is our hope that,
through the caring intervention of the staff and the life
skills training they receive from the program, they will be
pointed in a direction away from homelessness, substance abuse
and crime and find a way to grasp the opportunities for a
better life when [resented to them.
The community shares our enthusiasm for the program. Following
is an email received from Michael Tomasso recalling his experience
with the bike shop.
“Linda has a hard to fix favorite bicycle that she bought
while living in Italy which was her transportation. Recently
it had a major breakdown. I brought it to the Recycle Bicycle
Shop and Mark Hoffman took a special interest in repairing
it. It reminded me of a lost era of pride and enthusiasm in
ones work. I suspect that the group of courteous young men
that I encountered at the Shop have a fine mentor and good
example in Mark. You probably hear this all the time but thought
you’d like to know of our experience.”
The Continuum of Care Philosophy: In 37 years the Friendship
Center has come full circle. Monsignor Farrell’s dream
that the Center grow and “be of as much help to as many
people as possible” continued to guide the staff and
Board and continued to bear fruit. With the Jobs Program the
Friendship Center now has services for homeless people at
every arc in the spectrum: the Assertive Substance Abuse Outreach
Program; the Tomasso Family Community Kitchen; Emergency Shelter;
Emergency Needs Ministry Homeless Prevention Program; Transitional
Housing; Beyond Shelter Case Management; Jobs Program and
Permanent Supportive Housing. Being able to reach out to all
who come through our doors; accepting each individual where
he or she is; offering respect and kindness; food and shelter;
case management; and the belief that each individual child
of God can, with time and love, grow and change.
Our Work Is Love Made Visible: In the beginning, there was
no money to carry out Monsignor Farrell’s dream. Volunteers
came and helped. And Monsignor Farrell himself walked the
streets of New Britain accepting small donations for his work.
One of these volunteers was a man named Evald Johnson. Many
years later he came into this author’s office on Arch
Street. “I was just driving by,” he said. “I’m
so glad you still have the sign in front of the building.”
I looked at him quizzically and he explained. “Years
ago, I was reading The Prophet by Kahil Gibran and I found
the words, ‘Our work is love made visible’ in
the section On Work. I knew this was the work we were doing
and that phrase became out motto of sorts.”
I was glad to know the genesis of the phrase that had been
on our building at 516 Main Street and was carried with us
to Arch Street. For in the end, it is the love we share with
each individual that allows he or she the freedom to change.
And as one miracle turns into another, the love continues
to be passed along ………
The Miracles: Over the years, Friendship Center staff have
been privileged to work with many different people and, sometimes,
witness what we refer to as a miracle because of the changes
we see. Many who come through our doors leave again to live
a more responsible, fulfilling life and this is always exciting
to us. However for some the change takes many years and the
ultimate result is one we hardly dared even dream about. Here
are a few examples:
Miss Esther: Miss Esther was mentioned before. However, at
516 Main Street her pattern was always the same. She would
leave at 8:00 am and return at 5:00 pm, 7 days a week, 365
days a year. And she would never eat at the Center, even though
food was available. In the winter when it was cold and snowing,
we would beg her to stay in for the day but she would always
refuse. She walked all over town – a petite African
American woman very proud and very set in her ways!
It was after we moved to Arch Street that the miracle began.
She suddenly decided she could eat with us. And she would
allow Donna Bergin, her Service Coordinator, to buy her new
clothes. Previously every couple of months we would have a
day called “The Changing of the Clothes.” Because
Miss Esther refused to buy and would now accept new clothing,
there would come a time when new clothes, and underwear, would
be essential due to the smell. (She also refused to wash her
clothes!) The Changing of the Clothes Day meant Barbara Bacon,
our most senior overnight staff member, would sneak into the
bathroom and steal Miss Esther’s clothes while she was
in the shower. In their place she would leave new clothes
that had been purchased for her. When Miss Esther came out
of the shower, there would be a terrible ruckus – Esther
using language one would never guess she knew. Once in the
new building, this all began to change. Esther allowed herself
to have new clothes, she began to change her clothes regularly,
and she began to sit in our dining room and share meals with
the other residents. She also became communicative, allowing
staff to greet her in the morning and she would respond when
talked to.
For us, this was a true miracle and everyone respected Miss
Esther’s seat in the dining room, the same seat each
day. As an elderly woman, others gave her much respect. Miss
Esther lived with us for 14 years. In 2000, she began to fail
and eventually we were able to talk her into going to the
doctor. It was discovered she had cancer and it had spread
all over her body. Her last weeks were spent in New Britain
General Hospital and Walnut Hill Convalescent Home where staff
and residents visited her regularly. She died peacefully in
her sleep in October 2000 and the Friendship Center had a
funeral for her at Carlson Funeral Home with the Rev. Kenneth
DuBois officiating. Miss Esther graced us with her presence
and the room she lived in for 8 years at 241-249 Arch Street
is now known as “Miss Esther’s Room!”
Clarence: Clarence was also mentioned before and he also
began to bloom in our new home on Arch Street. Clarence and
Miss Esther were about the same age. As they each trusted
more, somehow they picked “their chairs” in the
dining room, one across from the other. And so, for 8 years
Clarence and Miss Esther, the petite African American woman
and the gray haired, blue eyed white man, both mentally ill,
developed a special relationship. They were like a couple
although they never talked to each other. But they watched
out for each other nonetheless. Each day they spent many hours
sitting and eating across from each other. The last day Esther
was at the Friendship Center, as she was being helped from
her chair to be taken to the doctor, Clarence stood and said,
“Esther don’t forget your bag.” This in
itself was a miracle and it was almost as if he knew he would
never see her again. He could not allow himself to visit her
in the hospital but forever there will be a special part of
the Center’s Tomasso Family Community Dining Room that
will be remembered as the as the space these two wonderful
people shared together.
Elpedio: Elpedio came to the Center after the move to Arch
Street. He arrived with what we thought was a cough lingering
from a cold. However, as the cough persisted medical attention
was sought and it was discovered he had throat cancer. An
operation was necessary and his voice box was removed. The
way in which Elpedio handled his new situation taught us what
a very special man he was.
Two days after coming home from the hospital, Elpedio walked
with other residents and staff in Foodshare’s Walk Against
Hunger, not only walking the 3 miles but also being the first
one across the finish line. For a time Elpedio did fine, learning
to talk with a mechanical aid and gaining strength. He was
full of humor and always helped as much as he could around
the building. However, the cancer returned and he grew worse
as the weeks passed. The miracle was not that Elpedio survived
the cancer, although we all prayed for that.
The miracle was Elpedio’s grace in the face of death
and the way the staff and other residents gathered together
to help so he could stay with us. Hospice was brought into
the picture and along with its help, staff and the residents
of the Transitional Living Program, where Elpedio lived, worked
together so he was able to stay almost to the end of his life.
In the end, for his comfort, he went to the Hospice Facility
in Branford. But the Friendship Center family did not desert
him – he was a part of the family and both staff and
residents alike continued to visit him in Branford until his
death 3 weeks later. Elpedio’s strength and grace taught
us all and we were better people for having known him.
Grace & Kids: They came to the shelter, she having been
abused. They needed a safe place to stay. Grace addressed
her issues while we got the kids into school. As security
retuned to the family, the kids began to relax and do better
in school. Both boys loved basketball and they were hooked
up to the NEWBRACC Church League. Volunteers from a local
church picked them up at the Center for practices and games.
After many months, Grace felt confident enough to go back
to work. She obtained a job and, soon afterwards, she found
an apartment. The Center’s Beyond Shelter Case Manager
worked with her and the kids in getting settled. When there
was a problem with the landlord, the case manager was right
there to iron out the difficulty and prevent a possible eviction
situation.
On a Friendship Center field trip to Six Flags in Agawam,
Massachusetts the elder son was apprehended by Six Flags security
for allegedly walking out of a store with a hat. The boy explained
to Center staff that an adult Center resident, in the store
with him, encouraged him to walk out with the hat. He told
Staff that he was going to return it. Although the boy had
to stay in security until the outing ended, the sympathy and
understanding of our Staff helped Mom to deal with the situation.
Other staff moms could relate with her initial reaction of
“Just let me get my hands on him, I’m going to
kill him!.” Together they helped a young teenager with
tremendous potential learn a lesson he will not soon forget.
A small miracle but nonetheless a family back on its feet,
still connecting with the Center for support and the kids
getting positive strokes for the good things they are doing
(and loving chastisement for the foolish mistakes!)
Into the Future: Where wills the future lead? What does Monsignor
Farrell’s dream require of us now? Here are some examples
of things the staff, Board of Directors and Board of Trustees
see coming in the next three to five years.
· 241-249 Arch Street has been very good to us. And
in return we must take care of it. We’ve been in the
building for 10 years now and some things are beginning to
wear out. It’s not very exciting to spend money or energy
on taking care of an industrial-sized water heater than is
beginning to have trouble, but take care of it we must. A
new one costs between $30,000 and $35,000. Ever frugal, we
will continue to repair it and, knowing that the new parts
can be used if we have to get a new drum, this makes good
fiscal sense. Another needed repair is the Fire Alarm Panel.
It continues to have problems and we hope it will last a few
more years but eventually it will have to be replaced. The
cost? $5,000.
· The Vega Building is in basic good repair. But it
does need a new roof. A rubber roof is the most
fiscally sound thing to do, even though the initial cost is
high. This decision looms in the future.
· Welfare reform has taken its toll. As of this writing
there are 50,000 families in the Hartford/New Britain area
that will have reached the time limitations on welfare benefits
and have no source of income. Excellent programs like New
Britain’s Teen Pregnancy Prevention Program work with
the youth of today preventing more unwed teens starting families
that often end up on the welfare rolls.
In the meantime we have innocent children who will have families
with no income. What can the Friendship Center do? We are
exploring the possibility of renovating a house that would
provide transitional living space for families in need.
· Continued de-institutionalization makes the problem
more severe. Monsignor Farrell would never have dreamed of
the people we are called upon to serve. In his day, a trip
to Connecticut Valley Hospital would secure that those with
mental illness would be properly cared for. In order to continue
to provide adequate services, the Friendship Center is exploring
the concept of providing a “Safe Haven” housing.
Developed by HUD to serve the hardest of all populations –
those who are mentally ill and addicted to drugs and/or alcohol.
This housing is like a small group home with the specialized
staff to meet the very complicated needs presented.
· At the other end of the spectrum of our Continuum
of Care, there is always the possibility that, given the right
opportunity, the Friendship Center might expand its Jobs Program.
What might this look like? Perhaps there might be space for
us to expand the antique business that is doing so well. Having
the right space for more dealers would give us the opportunity
to hire more people and provide more jobs.
· 85 Arch Street became the possibility and, as you
know, we are now in the midst of a Capital Campaign to renovate
this building that will provide a permanent home for BEI and
also provide more permanent supportive housing. The 3rd floor
of the Vega Building will also be reconstructed to provide
additional supportive housing.
A Final Miracle M, her husband O and their two children were
in our family shelter for almost a year. While here, M went
to school and received her CNA. Her husband was not as motivated
and she told him to either work with her for their future
or get out. They separated. She moved into her apartment and
became part of our beyond shelter services, allowing case
management to continue to visit with her in her home. Unable
to find a day job as a CNA, a necessity because of her young
children, she worked for a year at a car dealership in Middletown.
T, a single woman with substance abuse issues, was also in
our emergency shelter and eventually became part of our transition
living program. She too received her CNA while with us but
was unable to get a job because of a felony on her record.
She accomplished so much – became a member of the steering
committee for a Jail Diversion Program, was in a solid recovery,
became a group leader in her weekly meetings, moved into her
own permanent supportive housing on the 2nd floor of the Vega
Building, yet still she was unable to get a job.
Our staff tells me I sometimes don’t stay within traditional
boundaries. But I know love sometimes needs to weaken boundaries
in order to prevail. My daughter has primary progressive MS
and needs assistance. She cannot be home alone, cannot care
for herself or the children. We needed help and who better
than folks with CNA medical training. M and T now work for
my daughter, caring for her and helping with the children.
They are in our home every day and I am so grateful for their
presence with my daughter. Two Friendship Center miracles
that now bring help to my family! The Friendship Center’s
work is truly Love Made Visible!
We walk into the future with confidence. We have an excellent
staff, a committed, involved Board of Directors, a Board of
Trustees with a long history serving this organization and
primed to nurture our endowment and help it to grow, and,
perhaps most importantly, we have the greater New Britain
community with its hundreds of volunteers who help us with
our work and provide us the monetary donations we need. It’s
the formula we need to keep Monsignor Farrell’s dream
alive and allow the love to continue to be passed along…
Ellen Perkins Simpson, Executive Director
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